Image description: Baby girl with light skin and hair smiles from her car seat
WITH Self-Advocate Advisory Committee member, Ivanova Smith recently gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. We asked Ivanova to share her experience with healthcare before and after Alexandra was born.
Congratulations Ivanova! How you feeling?
I am feeling overjoyed and overwhelmed. Taking care of Alexandra has been a new adventure. Going through labor was intense but the doctors, nurse and family were all there to support me which was really helpful.
How is baby Alexandra doing?
She seems to be very happy to live with me. She always wants to be in my arms. They say she is growing healthy. She was born three weeks early but was able to catch up fast.
How did you choose an obstetrician?
The doctor who delivered her also became her doctor. The hill top community health clinic I go through was very supportive and instantly accepted her as a patient. I did not look around {for an obstetrician} but Alexandra and I go to same clinic. Sometimes she gets different doctors but from same clinic. This helps me because our clinic is on our bus route. It would have been harder if I had to find someone else at different clinic.
How was your pregnancy?
It was intense, I had bad morning sickness in the beginning. I called it,” all day sickness”. I had to deal with the discomfort of my body changing. I got frustrated that my clothes started not to fit. I had to wear my shirts differently which was hard sensory wise. I always like having my shirts tucked in, so it was struggle having to deal with my shirts not being tucked in. There were sudden foods I craved more like McChicken’s from McDonalds. My husband and family and friends supported me getting to my doctor appointments.
Even with all these difficulties Alexandra living in my womb was very empowering. I would talk to her a lot in the womb telling her what I was feeding her. I had her listen to my favorite music in the womb and I give speeches on advocacy while she was there listening inside me. I feel she was a live human being then and I am glad I give life to her at conception. The day I saw her first ultrasound picture is first time I called her my little peanut! I posted it on Facebook and people in comments called her that so I started doing it too. The day I delivered her was day she took away all my worries not being able to be affectionate due to my sensory issues. Having her snuggle into me when she finally came out was very comforting and made me very happy and I now love cuddling her and snuggling and giving her all the nippy.
What were your most helpful resources during pregnancy?
I really needed mental health care and the birth classes that I take at the Saint Joseph Hospital. I was able to take lots useful classes about pregnancy at CareNet.
How did you figure out what kind of supports you would need as a new mother?
I know I struggle with lots of sensory issues and I didn’t feel confident in my ability to care for children because of that. I did not have a good beginning. The first five years my life I was an instituted orphan. I was not given much affection in the orphanage because it was not allowed. My friend Doreen from a local parent Organization PAVE (Partnership Advocacy Voices for Empowerment) https://wapave.org/ helped me get supported with an in-home visitor, and counseling services for my mental health which I greatly needed when I was experiencing postmortem depression.
I also got lots of help taking classes through CareNet. They were very supportive of the pregnancy and were very encouraging! They taught me the differences between ways Alexandra cries means different things which helps me learn what she needed done. One of the cries I learned which is newwww which means “I am hungry”. PAVE, along with Lisa Litchfield, provided me with a Person-Centered Plan when I was pregnancy to help me feel more calm about Alexandra’s arrival and we were able to get a lot of accomplished which I could not have done without my friends and family. My family and family in- laws were very supportive as will. They came and visited with me and my mother even stayed with me in the hospital when I started labor. It definitely took a village of resources to support me getting Alexandra into this world. I want that for every disabled parent. Natural supports are very important. We do best to keep families connected!
How did you select Alexandra’s pediatrician?
In the hospital my doctor who helped deliver her started out as her pediatrician then he got me connected with a new doctor in the same clinic that I go to who was also there when she was born. I did not need look around for one which was very helpful!
What advice would you give to other new mothers with I/DD?
Advice I would give other new mothers with IDD:
Try to stay connected to your family as much as possible for support. Your child will need their grandmas, grandpas, uncles, aunts and cousins. I involve my family in all of Alexandra life. There are times my mom takes me to Alexandra’s appointments. It’s OK to involve your friends if they are comfortable. I have friends that are not comfortable with Alexandra and that is OK. But I have other friends that love to be seen as extended aunties and are willing to help. This is good because it helps a child learn about all different people in her life. It is OK to involve your child in your daily activities. I take Alexandra to track practices and Special Olympic competitions. I take her to presentations I do and sometimes I held her will giving speech which can be fun but exhausting. The most important thing is it is always OK to ask for help If you overwhelmed and feel like you can’t care for your child. There are times I am an emotional mess and I need Alexandra far away from me. I am glad I can rely on my family, friends and community resources to get that support if I need it. I want that for every disabled parent.
Remember to never feel ashamed for needing support. All parents need to a village of support.
Learn more about Ivanova here.
The mission of WITH Foundation is to promote comprehensive and accessible healthcare for adults with developmental disabilities.